Denial
by dreamoverdrive
Summary: No matter how much she denies it, the thoughts are still there. "It wasn't like she had ever loved him. She never gave him her ten year old heart over flickering camp fires, cheese burger filled tables, loud hikes towards the next adventure..."


It didn't hurt. It really didn't hurt.

She was beginning to feel like the endless mantra of those words in her head was becoming terribly ineffective.

But it wasn't. Because it didn't hurt.

The look of excitement and joy in his eyes when he thought about his next trip, his next adventure, his next set of "_friends_" replayed in her mind. The vision hadn't solidified yet in those wild brown eyes of his, but it didn't matter, because he'd be there soon enough. Without her.

But it didn't hurt. It really didn't.

Her heart didn't ache and moan, and starve from the lack excitement, and just the feeling of walking on dusty roads beside him with angry retorts hanging off her lips. Her heart didn't dig through recycled emotions, trying to find a way to replicate that way it felt when his loud voice yelled her name in anger, in exasperation, in amusement, in something that might have been- no. Her heart didn't keep trying to put the familiar and comforting sounds of camp in her ears, or the scents and tastes in her nose and mouth. Her heart had let go.

It really had.

She didn't miss her sore legs, her breathless grin, or even her messy travel hair. She didn't miss the places, and people, or _him._

She didn't want him. She had her Pokémon and her peerless gym. She had her elegant pools, challenger waiting list and sister's shows to choreograph. She had her interviews, her fans, and her prestige. She needed nothing else.

It wasn't like she had ever loved him. She never gave him her ten year old heart over flickering camp fires, cheese burger filled tables, loud hikes towards the next adventure, or even over the uncharacteristically thoughtful cup of tea he had made her that one cold morning-

Stop. Stop it.

None of it really had ever mattered. It was just an experience, something she needed to help her grow up. It was nothing special, because all kids traveled when they were younger. Everyone had met people, and he was no different from the rest. Her heart didn't thrum at hearing his nickname for her, she didn't have to bite back grins at his jokes, and she really didn't miss that loud, stupid laugh of his.

She began to mutter the mantra to herself as she directed starmie through his training sessions. Soon she was doing it in all of her training sessions. It was just the way he had shouted when he threw his pokeballs, the way he had grinned so brightly and vibrantly when he had fist-pumped like a complete dork, and even the way he spun around with those wide eyes, searching for her approval.

But it was all stupid. He was no different than all the little ten-year old boys with pokemon master dreams. He was nothing special. There was absolutely nothing unique about him.

She denied it even when the other boys, with their blue and green eyes came knocking at the gym doors and she turned them all away. She didn't do it because their eyes weren't brown. It was just because she had to focus on her training.

Her skin wasn't as tan anymore. She wasn't out in the sun much now because she spent all her time in the gym. Her muscles grew leaner. Swimming was like an outlet. Her hair grew blonder. The chlorine lightened it. Her voice grew quieter. She didn't shout her sentences now because everyone listened when she spoke.

She didn't miss her temper, or the way it had felt like lava bubbled in the pit of her stomach when he made a wise crack. She didn't miss the bright orange locks when she looked in the mirror. She didn't miss the tinge of sunburn on her cheeks. She didn't miss the worn out red sneakers at the back of her closet that called her name when she was at her weakest.

She didn't miss any of it, not a single bit. It was silly to reflect like this, because it only made her sad.

Just kidding, it didn't make her sad, because it didn't bother her.

She had to start muttering the mantra again when he called, and she didn't answer the video phone. She hadn't seen his face in years. Not even in the newspapers and magazines she carefully avoided. All that was left of him was a wisp of an electric ten year old on the outskirts of her memory.

She didn't imagine how his messy black hair might be flopping over his eyes, or how his cheekbones might have sharpened. Not even how much taller he might of grown. Who knows, maybe if she thought about him, she could even imagine him being taller than her.

"_Like, Ash. Misty is like, way too busy to talk. Like, just stop it already, she doesn't have the time for you."_

She just didn't have time for the nonexistent heart ache. She didn't have the urge to drop everything and _make_ time for him. To hear the voice that had been her constant companion for those years, oh, how it might have changed…

But she didn't care. At all.

And when she heard a rap on the glass doors of the gym, and jogged to the lobby in her sweatshirt and jeans to see…

It wasn't him staring through the glass. It wasn't his black, burning eyes looking right at her. It wasn't a new hat sitting in the middle of his messy black hair that was shorter than before. It wasn't his tan skin, or a crooked smile that she'd never even seen on his face. It wasn't the signature hand on the back of his neck, or the nervous glint in those intense, intense eyes. When had his eyes become so powerful?

But it wasn't him. It wasn't him. It wasn't him.

He leaned a fist on the glass door, the smile fading, his eyes pleading. His lips mouthed that one name. That one terrible name.

_Mist_

Her hands were scrambling at the lock, yanking the door open. His arms were around her, and goodness, he was so strong. He smelled like laundry and boy sweat, and berries, and sunlight. His goofy laugh rumbled in his chest- when was his chest so hard? He rested his chin on her head- when had he become so tall?

She could only stand, in the quiet of the lobby.

"I missed you, Mist."

"I missed you too, Ash."

And just like that, he walked back into her life.


End file.
